Why Do I Believe?

I believe that most of us question our faith at one time or another. As one woman said with emotion last week in our Sunday service, called Sacrament Meeting, I too believe that questioning is okay. And this is because I, like her, believe that "faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things...[but to] hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21; see also Hebrews 11:1).

Greatest trial of faith...  When I was a freshman at BYU, away from home for the first time and preparing to serve a full-time mission for two years, I felt more than ever before that I needed to know whether The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was true. I hadn't had a singular experience like some converts to the Church had, where they knew they should join and be baptized. I had felt warm, distinct feelings of peace and love during Church and family religious activities and during personal prayers, gospel study, and service. I didn't feel that any one in particular had been significant enough, though, to allow me to go out and teach others honestly that I knew the Church was true. I felt that I either needed to find out that the Church was true or leave it, BYU, and my childhood beliefs to be true to myself.

What I learned...  I shared my questions with my parents and received some reassurances. A call from a caring grandparent provided the rest of the answer I was seeking. After some small talk, I opened up to him about my concern (he may have known already from my parents). After listening, he taught me that I had something more valuable than a single, magnificent manifestation of testimony; I had hundreds of mini-manifestations over my time living the gospel that had witnessed to me that the Church was Christ's.

What I have learned since...

• The "fruit" of the Spirit is real and provides the witness of truth (Galations 5:22-23; see also Doctrine & Covenants 84:45-46). 
• Faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ is, ultimately, a choice. From my dad I learned that we tend not to be able to know spiritual things like we know other physical, earthly things we can see or touch. Rather, we must choose, as the biblical Apostle Paul taught, to trust in "the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). As we choose to have faith guide our decisions, we receive "evidence" afterwards or during -- that God lives and is there for us, that Christ allows us to be forgiven and resurrected. The process of doing this over and over again strengthens our faith, until we know the principle to be true (see John 7:17; see also Alma 32:34-36, Doctrine & Covenants 50:24-25).
• As people live the gospel they are blessed, become better, and tend to be happier; I have not seen any exceptions. This "fruit" (Matthew 7:15-20) and "evidence" has further strengthened my faith.
• The Book of Mormon was and continues to be a key source of the spiritual feelings I have. These gave me confidence to leave my family, learn Filipino, and teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people in the Philippines for two years.
• I have felt similar spiritual feelings confirm to me that God and His Son appeared in 1820 to Joseph Smith, in a grove in Palmyra, NY -- not far from where I am currently living.
• Finally, manifestations of testimony are meant to be remembered and recalled in times of questioning. Warm assurances from a past fire of faith can sustain us when our faith has grown dim. I have learned and heard others like the speaker I mentioned above attest, lack of faith is not a reason to abandon it, but to redouble our spiritual seeking and to remember past assurances received.

Though doubts and questioning have come at times since that first semester at BYU, I have not felt to question everything like I did then. I have learned that faith usually comes through the simple "everyday" moments, "line upon line" (D&C 98:12); that memories of past manifestations of testimony -- the "fruit" or "evidence" of faith -- should sustain me in addition to daily religious studies and striving to live my faith; and life on planet earth requires making the choice to have faith each day because much of what I believe remains unseen.